The Seven Stevonic Commandments

To be a Stevonic Worshipper, you must:
1. Not have any other gods but me.
2. Eat a pretzel every other day to ward off the evil pretzishaitans from Jupiter and to show your devotion to Me.
3. Not drink milk on Tuesdays, because Tuesday was the day that I rose from Stevia, the planet named after Me.
4. Once a month, you must sacrifice a loaf of bread in My name by stabbing it with a steak knife.
5. After death, if you have followed all of My commandments and I deem you worthy, you will ascend to Stevia, the planet I created.
6. All Stevonics who are named Steve must change their names or I shall smite them to the evil pretzishaitans to have their souls devoured.
7. Once in your life, you must make a pilgrimage to NewYork city, the holy land.